Banana Ice Cream

A creamy, single-ingredient, banana ice cream? An intriguing idea, that you can just freeze bananas and then blitz them.

Must admit that I would be inclined to add some Papagayo Organic Spiced Rum. It's the secret ingredient in my Banana Bread recipe. But that's another story...

The Birdshit Goose

My mother ordering our Christmas goose from a shop in London.

MOTHER: So, tell me, where did this goose live?

SALES ASSISTANT: All of our geese are raised at Peach Hollow Farm.

MOTHER: Oooooh! That sounds lovely.

SALES ASSISTANT: Yes, at Peach Hollow Farm. In birdshit.

MOTHER: In birdshit?

SALES ASSISTANT: Yes, birdshit.

MOTHER: In... um, birdshit??? I'm sorry, are you sure about that?

SALES ASSISTANT [exasperated]: Yes, I am sure. Peach Hollow Farm, in the county of Birdshit.

MOTHER: Oh, Berkshire!

SALES ASSISTANT: Yes, Madam, Birdshit.

[End of phone call. Cue hysterical laughter from MOTHER.]

English Mozzarella?

Well, they say that the Laverstoke Park buffalo mozzarella is good stuff. I certainly like the look of the texture from the video...

“A cookbook is not cookery, but it is normally held predominantly for the purpose of cookery.”

"At this point I must give you the classic receipt for the preparation and cooking of a Cormorant:

Having shot your cormorant, hold it well away from you as you carry it home; these birds are exceedingly verminous and the lice are said to be not entirely host-specific. Hang up by the feet with a piece of wire, soak in petrol and set on fire. This treatment both removes most of the feathers and kills the lice. When the smoke has cleared away, take the cormorant down and cut off the beak. Send this to the local Conservancy Board who, if you are in the right area, will give you 3/6d. or sometimes 5/- for it. Bury the carcase, preferably in a light sandy soil, and leave it there for a fortnight. This is said to improve the flavour by removing, in part at least, the taste of rotting fish. Dig up and skin and draw the bird. Place in a strong salt and water solution and soak for forty-eight hours. Remove, dry, stuff with whole unpeeled onions - the onion skins are supposed to bleach the meat to a small extent, so that it is very dark brown instead of being entirely black. Simmer gently in sea-water, to which two tablespoons of chloride of lime have been added, for six hours. This has a further tenderising effect. Take out of the water and allow to dry, meanwhile mixing up a stiff paster of methylated spirit and curry powder. Spread this liberally over the breast of the bird. Finally roast in a very hot oven for three hours. The result is unbelievable. Throw it away. Not even a starving vulture could eat it."

Countryman's Cooking - W M W Fowler